Lose Yourself by Kendall Adams

Author:Kendall Adams
Language: nld
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

Saturday night I sat at the kitchen table with my family and stared at my dinner plate, totally dazed. All I had done that day was lie around, watch TV, and nap on and off. I kept blurring my eyes in and out, making my mashed potatoes go fuzzy, then focused, then fuzzy, then focused.

In my mind I played yesterday’s match with Tanya over again. If only I had won a few more points early on. If only I hadn’t been so tired, maybe I could have put her away before Melanie ever got near Zach.

But I couldn’t go back and fix it. I had to accept the fact that I had lost to a substandard player. That I had only won a four-seed for the tournament. Meanwhile Melanie had put away her two opponents with ease and was ranked number one. She had dominated two decent players and still had enough time to hook her talons into my boyfriend.

“Noelle, you should eat something,” my mother said gently.

“I’m not hungry,” I told her. My stomach constricted at the very thought.

“You look hungry,” Faith said. “You look like death, in fact.”

“Faith…” my dad scolded.

“Well, you do!” Faith said, ignoring him and ripping off a piece of her roll. “So you lost one match. Big deal. You’ll kick ass at states. And, hey, this way no one will see you coming!”

I shoved my chair away from the table. I knew Faith was only trying to help, but I just couldn’t listen to her optimism right then. “May I be excused?”

“Why?” my mother asked.

“I have to get ready for this party,” I said. “Zach’s picking me up in an hour.”

“A party?” my father asked, pausing with his water glass halfway to his mouth. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Actually, yeah. I think it’s a great idea,” I retorted.

“Noelle, don’t take that sarcastic tone with your father,” my mother stated flatly.

My mother is almost never stern, so I knew I was pushing it. I just wanted to get out of there.

“He’s just worried about you,” my mom added. “We all are.”

“Maybe you should stay home tonight and get some rest,” my father put in. “You do look a bit…” He didn’t finish.

“I’m fine,” I told them, trying to perk up. “Really. It was just a long week. But I think I need this party more than I need some rest.”

Especially considering what happened the last time I blew off a party with Zach.

My family members exchanged wary looks. I sighed. I was so sick of everyone thinking they knew what was best for me. Couldn’t they see I was trying to save a relationship over here?

“Look, if I don’t feel well, I’ll come right home. I promise,” I said. “I just…have to make an appearance.”

“All right. If that’s what you want,” my father agreed finally. “But you’re not getting up from this table until you eat something.”

“Fine.”

I picked up my roll and took a huge bite out of it. Instantly my stomach heaved, but I held my breath and managed to chew.

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